hard, tough & difficult.

Sometimes in life, there is nothing that you can perfectly let go. Life is in such that you will always remember the pieces that either shattered or broken in your heart. I think things are always like this. When it's perfectly attached, perfectly seen, everything's perfect, you don't even take a glance on it. Till one day, it started cracking, you notice it but take no actions. And finally, it breaks, we panicked, we try our best to fix it back but it never be the same again.

Some says, we will never fall in love like the same again. I agree, each relationships that I had been through was different. It was totally different that I felt like I was experiencing another story in life again. But, the ending is always the same, getting attached and then breaks up. I always think to myself, how much do we need to sacrifice in order to get whatever we want ? We pay a price for everything we want, we pay a price for everything we own. But for love, we don't pay a price, we pay for priceless. The priceless things are the moment we share together, the moment we cry together, the moment that even if it takes 10 years from now, we will still remember the way she smiles, the way she walked, the way she talked and lastly, the way our lips met each other. Perhaps, things are always forever in the memories, but never last in reality. Keep everything in mind, nothing last forever, except memories. This is why, in my opinion, photography is the best tool in keeping all these memories intact, just in case one day, I happen to lose my memories or Alzheimer strikes. 

hold back, let go.

Perhaps I was the one who's wrong all the time. I was the one that never thought of your feelings, not even once. But, you've never thought how much both of us had suffer just to be with each other all the time. But, you've never realised how much sacrifices I had poured into the relationship just to give the best to you. YOU WILL NEVER DO. Perhaps, what you ever think was why I broke the trust and love between both of us. The reason is simple, because it never been there anymore.

I hurt you once, I hurt you twice. I felt guilty. But, how tight you had been holding this relationship ? I sacrifice all of my time, arguing against everyone in my life just to be with you but you did nothing ? I didn't want to argue in anything about this anymore because I feel that we should not be arguing at all. If trust is always there at the first day we were together, there will be no arguments. I would not leave you for twice. Think, ask yourself, "do you really trust me ?"

You'd moved on and I should not stay on the situation which I feel I am not supposed to. I wish you all the best and find the right one for you. Likewise, nothing between both of us anymore, just strangers. 

you said.

When you take a new step, 

you feel like you are new.

you feel like you want to return to the place you used to be,

the place that you called home,

the place that you missed the most,

but you can't.

just because the place is gone forever,

and will never return.

" Do not care about how people look at you, as long as you're happy "

I tried living happily, 

I don't even care what people tend to say about my actions. 

I know who are my true friends,

and who are the actors.

I accept all my true friends,

without thinking twice who they are.

I ignore all the actors in life,

wishing that they will just understand that life isn't about being the best.

a time for myself.

She even have the time to make DOUBLE peace, DOUBLE !

I know I had been updating my blog with all kinds of sorrows. So, this is a daily update post just to make sure the readers do not get bored of my emo blog. Finally, after 5 months of suffering being in college, we were given a semester break. Well it wasn't a two weeks break but I'm taking it another extra one week. I didn't do anything much for the whole week today, except slacking around doing nothing. But just an update, my first step into Cheras Leisure Mall. Alright, it's pretty lame to tell you, for the 18 years in my life, I had never stepped into Leisure Mall before, yes, I am serious. 

She made me a dangerous driver
for looking into the cam while driving.

Went all the way to Cheras Leisure Mall just for Angry Birds hunting with that noobie princess. Yes, she taught me the word 'noob' in Cantonese. I couldn't believe it till she actually explained it. And so, we were supposed to be back by home before 1:30 p.m as the Cinderella is afraid of getting caught by the parents for sneaking out but we ended up being at home at around 3:00 p.m.Surprisingly, with Marcus being in the car, appeared from nowhere. And I can actually conclude that all girls that I go out with, 99% of them love Chatime Bubble Tea, so do this noobie princess. 

Did I tell you that she insisted to drive my car too ? 

Yes, she did drive the car. No, with both hands on the steering, she isn't that dangerous, yet. Marcus was screaming like a pig, no pig is too common, was screaming like a pig being slaughtered at the rear seat of the car. She drove all the way home and it was STILL a roller coaster ride. She keep repeating the same sentence, "这是我第一次，我好紧张" or in translation " it's my first time, I am so nervous" After all the adrenaline rush from top to bottom, I was lucky that I survived the whole journey without any scratches.

love cycles.

Strangers again; WongFu Productions.

A cycle of life is like many cycles of love. Those love relationships that brought oneself to be stronger from time to time. For the past six years of my life, with almost ten relationships I had been into, none stays in my heart, except for this. 'Strangers, again' tells exactly what I had faced for the past two years. The happiness that I cherished, the tears that I shed, the dilemma that I endured and the love that I got. It teaches me how to be stronger and how not to look back anymore. The past will never be your future unless they are still in the present. The present today, I had chosen to let go off the past and step ahead to the future. I won't look back, even everything of you is haunting me.

"Do you realize, that there's only two options in our relationship together? It's either we break up or, we get married, do you think we'll get married?" - Marissa

We had gone through stage 1, stage 2, stage 3, stage 4, stage 5, stage 6 and stage 7. We know, there will be only two ways to go; either to be together for the rest of our life or to break up. We chose the right one for each other's sake, to make each other's day happier. 

"The worst thing happened in someone's life is not losing the one they really love but to love someone they shouldn't love." - androsLZY

Tonight, my dilemma wasn't about you anymore, the happiness that I cherished wasn't about you anymore. Being in the middle of two choices, to start stage 1 with another stranger or to step back from stage 1 again. I do not know what is happening to me, not even knowing what is happening around me. The feeling of being in love is so intense but the fear of falling out of love is haunting every piece of my mind. What if stage 1 does not work out ? What if stage 7 comes earlier ? What if things between us now just collapsed in front of my bare eyes ? 

I wish I can flip a coin, let the coin tell me what to do if I fell in love on someone I shouldn't love.

i'm falling to pieces.

Giving up isn't easy. Forgetting her isn't easy either. But, life moves on, clock keep ticking. Don't look back, move on.  It's pretty hard that last year we were celebrating my birthday. Such a surprise you made for me, which I remembered clearly how much you meant to me. But things will not last forever nor will be kept forever.

This year, things were not like last year. Everything made a flip, everything went upside down. How much pain that I endured, just to hope to see your message, at least a two words message, "Happy birthday" but nothing came in. Pretty disappointing but this is life. I understand you too well, when someone slapped you once, you will slap them back once. What goes around comes around, but when you go around, you won't be coming back around.

I gave up, I gave up on the last minute that I think I could not take it anymore. I know things will not go as far as we are expecting. I know things between us will not be the same as usual anymore. Giving up is the only thing in my mind, the only thing works between both of us. Maybe you're right, I didn't put in much effort like what you are expecting. Maybe you're right, I never think of you even for a second when I first entered college. Maybe you're always right, I am always the one to be blamed.

Sometimes, letting go isn't bad, it's just hard.

big thank you.

What do you do when clock is ticking off the time you're having ? What do you do when the clock is ticking off the time but you're still struggling being the back person in the race ? Look up and smile. World isn't that dark at all. Make it a brighter day, look at the positive side. 

I promised Miss Janessa Kok for not posting emo blog posts. I'm not doing it. So, I'm clarifying that this is not an emo blog post. 

Life isn't that bad after all. Hoping too much leads into disappointment. Not hoping at all leads to surprises. A great day indeed for my birthday, not hoping anything at all because I know it won't happen. A whole bunch of collegemates popped out of nowhere and sang birthday song with a cake really surprised me. Nonetheless, this 5 months itself, you guys are like the awesome-st people on Earth. Indeed, the best memories left behind from all of you. 

A very big thank you to all of you for making such a memorable piece in my story. Thank you.